From Bedscaring to Bedsharing | Sprout and Blossom Birth

At a day old, Annica’s first baby, Linden, naps in her arms. Annica, doula and birth photographer here at Sprout and Blossom, chose to bedshare with both her children from birth. (Bedsharing position not pictured here.)

At a day old, Annica’s first baby, Linden, naps in her arms. Annica, doula and birth photographer here at Sprout and Blossom, chose to bedshare with both her children from birth. (Bedsharing position not pictured here.)

Written by Shay Gabriel

See the end of this blog post for links to evidence-based resources on infant sleep, cosleeping, bedsharing, and breastsleeping. We encourage you to make informed decisions that safely suit your family.

I’m one of those parents who has kept a secret from our baby’s pediatrician. I had nothing to hide, really, I was just avoiding what I imagined would be confrontational rather than conversational. But on this particular phone call one weekday afternoon, I decided to be forthright from that point forward.

"No, she doesn't usually fully wake at night—we safely bedshare, so if she starts to wake I just offer the breast and she nurses right back to sleep."

"Well, we don't recommend that." 

Nursing back to sleep? Sleeping well? I knew what she actually meant…no bedsharing. Period. The nurse on the other end of the call offered a tone that read “end of that discussion.” And she moved on to the next item of business without any explanation. We had successfully managed to skirt around the topic of bedsharing, just like many patients and providers before us.

In retrospect, I wished I had stood up for my family's informed decision. I thought of the parents, who, like me, naturally end up bedsharing with their babies. I thought of the parents who avoid bedsharing at all costs and end up accidentally falling asleep in unsafe situations. I wondered how many families were keeping their own bedsharing practices a secret to avoid uncomfortable confrontations—and perhaps even bedsharing unsafely as a consequence. 

“I had kept my newborn skin-to-skin, nursing on demand, responding to her cues, all day long. Suddenly I was questioning why that should be any different through the night.”

Before becoming a mother, I didn't intend to bedshare. In fact, I probably swore I never would. It just seemed like a thing “responsible parents” didn’t do. I hadn’t been exposed to anything that suggested otherwise, and I never really questioned it. But after my daughter's birth, my perspective quickly shifted. Instinct set in. I remember telling my husband, as we prepared for our first night home as a family of three, "She still needs her momma. I have to keep her with me." Our baby had been sleeping peacefully in my arms, and upon being set into the bassinet, awoke and cried. I had kept my newborn skin-to-skin, nursing on demand, responding to her cues, all day long. Suddenly I was questioning why that should be any different through the night. I followed my intuition and kept our baby at my chest. 

One of Annica’s birth clients just after their second baby was born at home. This family made the decision to bedshare from the beginning, with both their toddler and their newborn.

One of Annica’s birth clients just after their second baby was born at home. This family made the decision to bedshare from the beginning, with both their toddler and their newborn.

The next morning, I reached out to my supportive birth team (including Annica from Sprout and Blossom) to investigate my decision to bedshare with my baby. I was lucky to have midwives and a doula who openly discussed my intuitive desire to sleep beside my newborn nursling; they empowered me, just as with labor and birth, to make my own informed decisions based on the risks and benefits. They pointed me in the direction of some helpful resources, offered to answer any questions, and left the decision-making to me. 

“Up to 75% of nursing mothers will bedshare at some point. To simply advise all parents not to bedshare as a one-size-fits-all solution to potential bedsharing risks proves ineffective.”

As it turns out, bedsharing wasn't inherently wrong as I had previously come to perceive. In fact, the instinct to sleep beside our babies is widespread, and so are the physiological benefits. However, just as with any infant sleep situation, it is important to bedshare safely. The reality is, up to 75% of nursing mothers will bedshare at some point (1). Bedsharing deaths are overwhelmingly associated with at least one outside risk factor associated with infant death. (2)

To simply advise all parents not to bedshare as a one-size-fits-all solution to potential bedsharing risks proves ineffective. Instead, we parents should be encouraged to inform our intuition and to make whatever safe sleeping decisions benefit our families. 

Here at Sprout and Blossom, we want to empower you to make educated decisions around bedsharing—to know the risks and benefits and whether bedsharing may or may not be a good option for your family. 

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a note from annica

Before having my first baby, I did extensive research around bedsharing, breastsleeping, and the physiology of infant sleep. My partner Peter and I decided to forego a crib, upgrade to king-sized bed with a firm mattress, and push our bed against a wall. As soon as my baby was born, my intuition backed up my prior decision, and I could not imagine sleeping apart from my baby. Linden slept with us from the night she was born until she turned 2. My son Rubin (2 months) is now in bed with us as well, and some nights 3-year-old Linden joins us. Bedsharing has been a true joy of my motherhood experience. I’m grateful that I felt supported in our decision from the start, thanks to my own midwives, doula, and birth photographer.

It is very important to me that my birth clients feel safe talking to me about bedsharing. In fact, it delights me when former clients reach out when their baby starts rolling over or crawling to ask for encouragement and to troubleshoot. It is not a taboo subject to me—and I am motivated to flip the script on safe infant sleep, one family at a time.

Here are some helpful resources for insight into bedsharing, safety, and benefits.

Bedsharing Resources

Citations

  1. “The Safe Sleep Seven.” La Leche League International, 29 July 2020, www.llli.org/the-safe-sleep-seven/. 

  2. Ball, H. L. Breastfeeding, bed-sharing, and infant sleep. Birth 30, no. 3 (2003): 181–188. Ball, H. L. Bed-sharing practices of initially breastfed infants in the first 6 months of life. Infant and Child Development 16, no. 4 (2007): 387–401.

 
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Shay Gabriel is a content creator for Sprout and Blossom whose love of parenthood and psychology has merged into a super-obsession with all things birthy and baby. She believes an informed experience lends to an empowered experience, no matter where you are along the journey.

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Annica Quakenbush is a birth doula, birth photographer, mama to two homebirthed babies, and the owner of Sprout and Blossom. She is the creator of Sprout and Blossom Botanicals’ boutique care products for the pregnancy, birth, and postpartum journey.

 
ParenthoodAnnica QuakenbushBedsharing, Co-sleping, nursing, la leche league, safe sleep seven, safe sleep, infant care, newborn, breastfeeding, breastsleepingComment