Written by Shay Gabriel

Shay here, writing this blog post whilst 39 weeks pregnant! (I’m scheduling this to publish in future, though, so by the time it posts, my second baby girl will have been born!)

how can I support you?

This past week, my husband Matt and I took some intentional time away to consider several birth prompts together. We discussed things like fears that might creep in and affirmations to get us back on track; comfort measures to consider throughout the various stages of labor; and how I want the labor environment to look, feel, smell, sound…

As we talked through our experiences with our first birth and our anticipations for our second, one thing became clear: having a quick-guide on the fridge to reference these reminders would be very helpful for us! It would help me:

reflect more comprehensively on my labor wishes (writing things out is a great way to prepare!),
trust that my partner will recollect what I’ve asked for (because he can take a quick look at the sheet on the fridge anytime!),
and give me permission to drift off to labor land when the time comes (peace out, mental load! Time to turn off my thinking brain!).

So I created that quick-guide, outlining some key thoughts and ideas for the labor setting, comfort measures, nourishment, and supporting our toddler Evie. I decided to share our fridge sheet with you here, in case it might prove useful as you consider your own labor preferences and how your partner might best support you.

My birthing background

For context, we have planned a homebirth with a team of midwives and our doula, Annica (Sprout & Blossom’s very own!). It’s the same birth team we’ve had before for the birth of my daughter Evie, and we’re very excited to have them alongside us again! This quick-guide was intended solely for my husband Matt, though anyone on my birth team will be able to see it. Our birth team will come equipped with so much expertise to help guide Matt and support me…they live and breathe birth on the daily! But in anticipation of laboring for awhile before they arrive, Matt and I can lean on this quick-guide.

In my labor with Evie, my biggest challenge was back labor. So this time around, just in case, I’ve come up with some comfort measures specifically for back labor — including things I wish I had thought of as I was laboring with Evie. Things that seem like they should have been obvious to me in the moment, but truly were not, because the thinking brain just doesn’t operate the same way when you’re in the depths of labor land! An example? We have a shower head with a couple of high-pressure settings that probably would have felt awesome aimed at my aching back. (You live and you learn!) Other parts of this fridge sheet come from my previous birth experience, too. You can read my first birth story here!

Anyway, let’s get to it! Here’s a sneak peek at “Shay’s Labor Support Quick-Guide for Matt” — feel free to copy and paste, revise, and make it all your own.

Photo by Annica Quakenbush at Shay’s first birth

Shay’s labor support quick-guide for Matt

Labor Space/Setting

Set up birth pool in early labor; fill when things seem more active or Shay/birth team/your gut says (twinkly lights between pool & liner)
I don't want to feel jarred by daylight; I'm thinking we can keep the bedroom dark but let some light in through the curtains in rest of house rather than attempt to keep light blacked out – definitely prefer natural light
Christmas lights strung & lit in dining room
When it’s dark out, I prefer dimmest light in bathroom – the middle switch (I haaaaate the "hospital light" switch)
Keep thermostat warm (72? Higher if really cold outside) so whole house is warmed up
Media:
- GentleBirth app on Shay's home screen: click the Labor tab and offer favorite meditations, soothing sounds, etc either playing through Shay's phone or earbuds – set to auto-play
- Shay’s Spotify playlists: Upbeat Happy Birth; Slow Sweet Birth
- Read my vibe — am I in the mood to dance with Evie? drift off into a meditative state?

Comfort Measures

Pink hot water bottle for back relief
Counter pressure against sacrum, hip squeezes
Birth Sling
Yoga ball – hip circles, pelvic tilts
Warm bath
Black chair in the shower, shower-head settings for back relief
Diffuse peppermint oil (fill plastic measuring cup in bathroom cabinet, add a few drops of oil – peppermint oil is usually kept in Shay's pink purse)
Floatie in the pool for back relief

Nourishment

Stay hydrated – ice water in water bottle
Been craving boba tea and chocolate milk, we'll see if I want that lol
Offer snacks – protein bites (lots in office); cheese & crackers + honey (little bits of honey if dipping, please don't overdo it); salami; apples & peanut butter; yogurt parfait with blueberries, chia, hemp, honey drizzle
Offer bone broth (in cabinet to the right of the dishwasher)
100% juice (in cabinet to the right of the dishwasher)

supporting evie (our firstborn)

If she stays asleep while I'm in earlier stages of labor, let her rest. I reeeeally want Evie present for Laila's arrival if possible (and if that still seems best for Evie)
Give her a labor gift* when she seems to need a boost in spirit or something to help keep her engaged
Call on Gigi or Grandma if needed (check with Shay; keep Evie here? Best for Evie to leave?)
Bathing suit for getting in pool with Momma if she wants
Involve her with helping Momma and checking on Laila
Ask her to play the blowing game with Momma during pushing stage!

*I’ve gathered some little activities and toys to help keep Evie (2.5 years old) engaged in case she’s around for awhile during labor. At first I planned to put them all in one basket, but instead, I decided to place each individual item in its own little gift bag. I’m thinking this might stretch out the impact of the new activities, just in case! I’ve included spill-proof bubbles she can blow in the house, a water wow drawing pad, a magnetic drawing toy just like the one she loves to play with at the midwifery — that kind of thing.

and to take care of any urge to play hostess…

I also whipped up a separate little sheet listing food ideas for our birth team, in case the tendency to play hostess tries to sneak in. (No playing hostess, Shay! They will all make themselves right at home, just like they’ve said — and by writing down several food suggestions, you can lay that hostess urge to rest!)

Birth Team Food Ideas

Yogurt parfaits (Greek yogurt, hemp, chia, blueberries, honey)
Peanut butter toast
Bagels & cream cheese
Charcuterie (salami, pepperoni, cheeses)
Soup (if not fresh, there's lots in the freezer)
Sandwiches
Salad
Crackers/pita chips & dip
Fruit
Any current meals leftover in fridge
Drink anything you find
There’s a coffee & tea bar complete with to-go cups
Help yourself to anything & everything!

now, make your own!

Here’s a rundown of the prompts I considered that helped me whip up my labor support quick-guide for my husband Matt. Consider these questions if you’d like to make one of your own!

LABOR SPACE/SETTING

When you picture your ideal labor space, what comes to mind?
How do you want the space to feel, look, sound, smell? Consider lighting, temperature, music, meditation playlists, what to use for output (phone, home speaker, earbuds)
If you’ve given birth before, what did you like and dislike about your previous labor environment(s)?

COMFORT MEASURES

What birth tools might help you conserve energy? Consider upright labor support and what can help take a load off as your body and baby are working with gravity.
What typically helps soothe your aching body? Consider hydrotherapy, any comfort measures you use when sick or for combating cramps, aches, or pains
What tends to bring you relief when you’re nauseous?
What typically helps relax your body, in general? What do you do to find calm?
If you’ve given birth before, what comfort measures did you like? Did you think of any other comfort measures you might have liked after-the-fact?

NOURISHMENT

What are some easy-to-eat foods you might be able to munch on while in labor?
What will help you stay hydrated/take sips of water? How do you prefer your water?
What are some other drinks that might sound appealing to you if you’re aching or nauseous?
If you’ve given birth before, what did you like and dislike eating and drinking?

potential distractions

Are there any responsibilities that might interfere with your ability to “check out” and drift into labor land? Consider children, pets, etc. What will help you feel like those responsibilities are covered?
How might you minimize distractions when people are coming and going in your home/birthing center/hospital?

another important consideration

your birth team matters

We cannot speak highly enough about the impact of your birth team! Having a stellar, well-prepared partner is awesome — but if you’re planning an assisted birth at home, a birthing center, or at a hospital, you’ll want to ensure that your birth team suits your birth values/preferences and your right to informed choice (consent or refusal). Hiring a DONA certified birth doula is a great way to ensure that someone is devoted to directly supporting both you and your birth partner leading up to and throughout labor — with continuous informational, emotional, and physical support. A local doula can also give you the inside scoop on birth providers in your area, and they may be able to recommend providers whose practices closely align with your birth wishes.

Learn more about doula support

Shay Gabriel is the content director at Sprout and Blossom whose love of parenthood and psychology has merged into a super-obsession of all things birthy and baby. She believes an informed experience lends to an empowered experience, no matter where you are along the journey.